Me and Things

Inanimate objects and I live in a tense stand-off. The tools of life and I do not have a functional working agreement.

Each of the three cars I have owned … hold on, was it three? Let’s count.

My first car exploded into a fireball and melted into a big mound of car right before my very own eyes precisely 23 hours after its long-standing overheating issue had been repaired.

Making so many repair shop visits as I had been making for the previous year or three regarding this concern had been personally annoying, but some quick fixes are neither. Want to know what was really annoying? Watching the selfsame car melt.

The next car was also prone to overheating—steam, not flame, in this case—and I perpetually thought it was ten minutes from an explosion as well. When one has owned a car that one watched meet its end via self-immolation, one develops a sensitivity to over-heating. PTSD, even. But I saw that car on the roads of my town for a full five years after I had sold it.

My last car was repossessed because I was not an adult back then, and banks like doing business with adults. So, yes, three cars. (I no longer drive because when I move my right leg, sometimes my left leg is the one that moves.)

I have a superstitious nature, something that I am loathe to admit to. Place two identical pens before me, give me a day or two to use them, and I will declare one a favorite. And the other? I will have held it perhaps once, but I will have felt something about it to be frustrating or “wrong,” and left it alone. From then on, forever. I buy replacement pens even though I own many pens and have not been without a pen in decades. (The Zebra F-301 or G-301 model, for completeness’ sake. Black ink, 1.0 mm point size. … Sometimes thinner.)


Pencil porn.

Pencils, too. I am probably the ideal Blackwing 602 customer, but I like money more. A 12-pack of the pencil—oh! Look at those gorgeous creations to our right!—will set a customer back approximately $21 either online or in person at Barner Books in New Paltz. (Full disclosure: I have nothing to disclose and no business interests with Barner Books other than it is one of my favorite bookshops.) That is a lot of money for a mere dozen pencils, eight of which I might very well ignore for the length of forever because of my personal writing tool superstition. Thus, even though I have held a Blackwing 602 only one time so far in my life, and I indeed drooled over its swift action on the page, I have not purchased a set and I tell myself that it is because these Blackwings are knockoffs made by a company that bought the naming rights and these are not the classic pencils themselves.

Those Blackwing 602 pencils, the real original ones, they pop up on eBay at prices like $101.77 for three pencils. Yes, these were unused pencils. Three.

My writing implement superstition has reared its head in my life with computers, also, sad to say for my wallet. At this point, it would take me longer than you have available for me to recount to you the number of computers, laptops, and handhelds I have owned. (I loved the Treo 90 and owned a half-dozen over the years, some of which “felt right,” and some of which did not.) Some computers I became attached to like a beloved typewriter, others were only employed to go online and tell others that I was still alive when I discovered that typing on them just didn’t “feel right.”

Five years ago, I purchased a full-sized laptop on which I tried to write a book. Either the keyboard was built too sensitively, or I typed on it like an ape, but it no longer produces the letter C. (“C” is often ranked in annual surveys as one of the top 10 most popular letters in our alphabet.) When the briefly popular Netbooks came out (the era lasted approximately six months in 2006), I bought one of those. Upon learning that the full-size machine was resistant to writing, at least those words that need the letter C, I returned to the Netbook and discovered I was making more progress on that book project. It sat, happy to be employed, on top of the almost-useless full-size laptop.

The computer I now use, a full-size Asus laptop, has not YET lost any functions nor burst into flame. But my superstitions and my general physical incompetence with things of this world have been known to create immediate and irrevocable obsolescence, so I assume nothing about the future.

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This is an edited re-visit of a column from a year ago, “The Li’l Guys.”

The WordPress Daily Prompt for November 23 asks, “Someone or something you can’t communicate with through writing (a baby, a pet, an object) can understand every single word you write today, for one day only. What do you tell them?”

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  1. Johnny Blade · November 23, 2015

    Hear ya buddy! All my computer stuff is hand me down from my Stepson who is a computer teck. The keyboards always suck and the tower needs upkeep as well. But mostly I relate your story with my guitars that I do all the work on. Always had used cars and repair myself for the most part when a lift is not needed. You must beat the living crap out of your keyboards, with those long ass fingers:)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. lifelessons · November 23, 2015

    I always wear the paint off the keys of my macs. Don’t know what this says about my body chemistry. Since the keys are backlit and the letters are actually absence of paint rather than paint, I am grateful for the touch typing czarina I took H.S. typing from!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Mark Aldrich · November 24, 2015

      I definitely don’t touch-type. Pound-type. Jab-type.


  3. anndelize · November 24, 2015

    You’re a wonderful writer. It just ‘feels right’ to say that. Thanks for the chuckle.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Lonely Chirrup · November 24, 2015

    That computer thingy is very common in my case and I don’t understand why I have to employee a set of 3 generation creatures just to cry out loud about me being alive…

    Liked by 1 person

  5. rogershipp · November 29, 2015

    The letter “S” takes the hits on my typewriter????


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